


Fading Away

by starboyshiro



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Universe, M/M, shiro's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 10:51:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12629391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starboyshiro/pseuds/starboyshiro
Summary: People are often born leaders and feel that they possess the highest amount of power. While others doubt their skills and feel as if they are worth nothing to their surroundings. Takashi Shirogane fits the spectrum of those two types people right in the middle. He is a born leader with many talents and abilities but his own mind locks him away, making him shut out everyone and everything. His fellow paladins worry for him and insist on helping him, but he turns them away and continues to lose himself. How fast can one person fade away before they disappear forever?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My contribution to the Shiro Big Bang

God, I wish I remembered what it was like to have a normal life back on Earth. I barely even remember the meaning to the word normal, but I miss it so dearly. I miss being home, I miss my family, I miss having a normal life. I know my family thinks I’m dead, they have to, there’s no

way they don’t. From what I’ve been told after the Kerberos mission went sour, they basically broadcasted that we died. Pilot error, like it was _my_ fault. It was _my_ fault we got captured by the Galra. It was _my_ fault we were forced to fight for our lives. It was _my_ fault Sam and Matt got left behind. Everything… everything _is_ my fault. I’m just so tired. I’m tired of all of the responsibilities I have of being a leader. I just, I need a break, but there’s no time for that. Sometimes I wish I could just fade away into the background.

Lance’s smooth voice breaks through my thoughts, bringing me back down to reality. “Shiro, did you hear me?” Lance asks from the other side of my closed door.

 

I shake my head, then quickly realize he can’t see me.

 

“No, I didn’t, sorry Lance.” I say as I get up from my bed. I press the button for the door, watching as it slides open. Lance looks up at me with a look that I can’t quite place.

 

“Oh, well, I just wanted to come see if you were okay? You missed dinner and you usually don’t miss dinner since you’re like always on time to everything. I’m probably just worrying for nothing, the rest of the team said it was nothing, but uh, I wanted to make sure, I guess?” Lance rambles, the end of his statement sounds more like a question than anything, like he’s unsure of why he’s here.

 

“I’m fine, Lance, I’m just a little tired.” I sigh, it’s not a complete lie at least. Lance frowns at me, pulling on a string from his jacket.

 

“I know I’m not much and probably the last person you would want to talk to, but if you ever need someone to talk to I would be glad to listen to you and try to help when I can.” Lance says avoiding my eyes.

 

I bite down on my lip and give his shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“Thanks for the concern, I really appreciate your offer. I do enjoy your company, Lance, we may not have talked much back before all of this, but that doesn’t mean I don’t consider you a friend now.”

 

Lance looks at me with a sad smile. “You don’t have to spare my feelings, Shiro, I’m a big boy, I can handle the truth. You don’t have to tell me you like me just because you don’t want to hurt my feelings. I know I’m annoying and distract the team a lot. I don’t even know why I’m here—”

 

“Lance,” I groan, cutting him off, “I’m not sparing your feelings. I wouldn’t tell you I enjoy having you as a friend if it wasn’t true. I don’t see the point in lying just to save someone from feeling bad. Trust me when I say I enjoy your friendship.”

 

“Right, I’m sorry for bothering you, I should probably get back to my room now.”

 

“You aren’t bothering me, like I said before I appreciate you stopping by to check on me. It kind of shows how caring you really are.” I smile at him, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze yet again. Lance frowns, looking away from me. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m uh, I’m fine. You just… you kind of remind me of my brother and I just really miss him, ya know?” Lance explains. I nod, ignoring the slight sting in my chest of being compared to his brother. I mean, it’s a nice gesture of course, but I’d expect it more from Keith than Lance. “He’s a great guy and so are you, but sometimes he works too hard and so do you.” He says while rubbing his neck.

 

“So you’re saying I work too hard?” I ask while leaning against the doorframe.

 

“That’s exactly what I’m saying, Shiro. You’re constantly pushing yourself and I, well all of us kind of feel like maybe you need a break?”

 

I frown at the mention of the rest and the team thinking so lowly of me. I can handle myself.

 

“I don’t need a break, I’m fine, I know how to handle my problems on my own.”

 

“Right, of course you can. If it were up to me I would say the head needs some head.”  Lance says with a smirk, there’s the cocky Lance I know and love. I hide my smirk with my hand, trying to act like I didn’t find it at least a little bit amusing.

 

“Go get some rest, Lance.” I say, trying to sound stern.

 

“You too Shiro.” Lance offers a weak smile before walking away. I frown and shut my door, sitting back down on my bed. I wish the team wouldn’t worry about me so much.

 

I’m their leader and here they all are thinking of me as someone who is completely incapable of taking care of himself. I know I have problems, but I also know I’m not the only one around here to have problems. Lance misses his family, but I can’t really blame him. He didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye to them before he was swept away into space. I at the very least had the chance to say goodbye to my family. They know where I went, Lance’s has no idea what happened to him. He more or less vanished into thin air and there was nothing they could do about it to prevent it from happening to him. Not that I’m saying my parents could have prevented what happened to me, but they at least know where I was going. They have some sort of closure… I hope they don’t blame me for what happened. I didn’t mean for things to go wrong so fast. I _tried_ to get us out of there and I fought for my life. I just wish I knew where Sam and Matt are now.

 

I need to push all these thoughts away and just go to sleep, but even sleep is hard now. I miss the times where it was easy to fall asleep. Easy to close my eyes and forget about the worries of the day before. Now, now the worries of the day follow me into my dreams, coming back to haunt me. The past torture stays with me even when I’m trying to sleep.  

 

I lie on my bed, staring up at the ceiling above me, wishing it was the same as the one back home or even the one in the Garrison.  Somewhere that wasn’t here. Somewhere that wasn’t some castle floating in the middle of space. I just want something familiar, something that feels like home.

 

I close my eyes, hoping for sleep, but I know it won’t be restful nor will it be peaceful. It’ll be the same it has it been every other night; a nightmare. Please, just give me one night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art from this chapter is by 13Bella on tumblr!


	2. Chapter 2

Anger begins to boil deep in my veins in the training deck. The simulation has left me tired and beaten. I need to calm down, I need to take my own advice, patience yields focus. Calm down Shiro, just focus and you can do this. My chest heaves with each sharp inhale. I need to calm down. I need to set a good example for the rest of the team. They can’t see me like this. They can’t see me broken. I am their leader, I can’t let them down. I have to be strong.

 

Lance taps my shoulder, startling me.“Shiro, are you okay? You look pretty pissed.” Great, just what I need, Lance poking around asking more questions.

 

“I’m fine, Lance, I told you this last night.”

 

“Mm, that’s kind of hard to believe when you look like you’re ready to rip someone’s throat out.” I groan, turning away from him. I really don’t like him pestering me about the look on my face right now.

 

“I’m fine. The simulation has me a little down, but I’m fine.”

 

“Whatever you say, Shiro, I’m just trying to help. You’re still a part of this team, leader or not. Your health is just as important as the rest of the teams. Without you Voltron can’t function so it really doesn’t make sense that you of all people would be acting like this.” He steps in front of me, frowning deeply.

 

“Acting like what?”

 

“Stubborn! You don’t want to listen to and you don’t want to get any help, you can’t keep doing this Shiro.”

 

I cross my arms over my chest, sighing deeply. “I am not stubborn and I don’t need any help.” I say as Lance stares at me with those damned ocean blue eyes. They look so full of emotion, he’s such a caring person, but he has to stop picking and prodding.

 

Lance sighs, his voice softening, “Why do you keep trying to hide?” I sigh, running my fingers through my sweat dampened hair.

 

“I don’t have the time to sort through my feelings right now. We have to protect the universe and I’m not going to let my feelings get in the way of that.”

 

“Feelings are normal, Shiro, you need to take a break before you hurt yourself. I’m worried about you.” He says. I frown, taking a deep breath before looking into his eyes.

 

“Lance, I know you’re worried, but you really don’t need to worry so much. I’ll be fine.”

 

Lance frowns, shaking his head,“Come to me when you stop making up excuses.”

 

I groan, why won’t he just trust me? Lance leaves me alone in the room. I sigh, pulling on my hair slightly as I sulk to my room, my head hanging low. I stop in the middle of the hallway when hear the mention of my name. I look around, not seeing anyone. I peek around the corner to see the rest of the paladins and the Princess talking about what seems to be a serious matter, I wonder why they didn’t include me.

 

“You still haven’t gotten through to him at all, Lance?” The Princess asks.

 

Lance sighs, shifting his weight, “No, Princess, he won’t listen to me he keeps pushing me away from him. I just want to help him and he won’t let me.” Oh, that’s why they didn’t include me.

 

“Maybe I could try talking to him?” Keith speaks up, looking at Lance, but he simply shrugs.

 

“You could try, but I’m sure he’ll say the same thing he said to me.”

 

“We can’t just stand around while he goes down this self destructive path! It’s dangerous, what if he hurts himself? What if he hurts one of us!?” Wow, that stings. How could Hunk think I would ever hurt one of them? They’re my team, I would never want to see them get hurt.

 

“Hunk, calm down, Shiro’s not going to hurt any of us. I don’t think he’d let it get that far. He just has too much pride to realize he needs help. He’s still just a normal person whether he likes it or not, he has feelings like the rest of us he’s just having a hard time finding a way to cope with them. He needs our help, but I don’t know what to try anymore…” Lance’s voice falters at the end, he looks defeated. I can’t believe they’re all talking about me like this.

 

Pidge sighs, giving Lance a small pat on his back. “We should all try to get some rest and figure things out later on. A good night’s rest will do us all good.” I frown and walk away from them, making sure to leave quickly and quietly to stay unnoticed.

 

The door of my room opens with a woosh. I know I should shower, but I don’t have the energy to. I frown deeply, lying down on my bed. I don’t even bother with changing my clothes, I’m just so tired. I don’t have the energy to do anything right now. I just want to sleep, but not for too long because I can’t have the team worrying anymore. They’re already worrying enough when they shouldn’t be. I’m fine, why can’t they see that I’m fine? I mean, I am kind of having a bit of a hard time with being away from home for so long, but they shouldn’t be so worried about me. I would never put them in danger.

 

Melancholy seems to be an appropriate way to describe the way I’ve been feeling and probably even the way the team is feeling towards me, especially Lance. I’m a pathetic leader and they all know… I can’t even handle my own feelings. How am I supposed to help them with their problems if I can’t take care of mine.

 

I squeeze my eyes shut, refusing to let the tears that prick in the corners of my eyes. Be strong Shiro, you can do it. Sleep, sleep is what I need. I sigh, kicking off my shoes as I try to get more comfortable in my bed. I steady my breathing and relax my body. I didn’t realize until now how tired I actually am. Sleep comes quickly, washing away the worries of the day.

 

“Do you still think you can pilot my lion you pathetic creature?” Zarkon’s voice rings through my ears.

 

My eyes shoot open and I’m still in my room, but it somehow looks different. Something I can’t quite place. What is he doing in my room? How did he even get in here without anyone noticing? Why is he here?

 

“Maybe I’m just looking to make you comfortable, give you a false sense of security, it’ll be easier to defeat you that way and take my lion back.” Zarkon says while looming over me, his arms folded over his chest.

 

I stand up from my bed, trying to brace myself for the worst while ignoring the fact that he knows what I’m thinking, “The black lion is not yours, Zarkon, not after everything you’ve done. The innocent lives you’ve taken.”

 

“The black lion is my lion and you will give it back to me or you’ll suffer the consequences.” Zarkon demands.

 

I scoff, “The black lion does not belong to you. You don’t deserve to have the black lion. You don’t deserve to have that kind of power. I’m not going to let you ruin more innocent lives.” I stand my ground as Zarkon approaches me.

 

I shoot up out of my bed in a cold sweat. What was that… there was no way it was , it felt so… so real. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I’m okay, he doesn’t know where we are. We’re safe, for now. I get out of my bed, pushing my hair back as I walk out. There’s no point in trying to go back to sleep at this point. I’d probably just have another nightmare anyway.

 

I make my way to observation deck, sitting down on the couch, not taking my eyes off the vast universe in front of me. The bright stars in the distance help calm my nerves, they always have. After all this time and even being captured by an alien race I still think space is beautiful. There may be evil out there, I know there’s still good.

 

Soft footsteps pull me out of my thoughts. I turn to see Lance standing in the doorway, looking just as shocked as I am. He quickly turns around and begins to walk back out.

 

“Lance? What are you doing?” I question. He stops, sighing before he turns back to me.

 

“I um, I couldn’t really fall asleep and I usually come here when I can’t sleep. I like to look at the stars, but since you’re out here I don’t want to bother you…” Lance says, his voice falls flat as he wraps his blanket tighter around himself.

 

“I guess we both had the same idea then. You don’t have to leave just because I’m here, Lance, you can come sit down too. I’m sure you won’t bother me,”

 

He nods, and walks over to the couch, sitting at the other end. He stares off into the distance, avoiding my gaze.

 

“Are you okay?” I ask softly.

 

“I just miss home a lot. It’s hard being out here and not being able to see my family at all. They don’t even know what happened to me, I just kind of disappeared. I can’t even begin to imagine how they all feel.” He sighs, leaning back against the couch.  

 

“I know how you feel, I haven’t been home in so long. I at least knew there was a possibility of me not going back, but you were just ripped away with no warning.”

 

“It’s hard, but I get by. The rest of the team is really helpful too since we’re all kind of in the same boat.” Lance looks over at me, a faint frown on his lips. I resist the urge to lean closer and press my lips against his. I really shouldn’t be thinking like that at all, it’s highly inappropriate. I’m sure he wouldn’t want that anyway, he’s trying to get me to admit that I need a break. I bite my lip and look back out to the sea of stars. “Shiro?”

 

“Hm?” I look back at him as he scoots closer.

 

“Can I have a hug?” His voice is soft as he invades my personal space. My breath gets caught in my throat as I nod slowly, he doesn’t need any further permission. He wraps his arms around my neck and places himself on my lap. I hesitate at first then wrap my arms around his waist. He sighs, burying his face in my neck. Hot tears hit my neck and I don’t really know how to react. I frown, rubbing my hand up and down his back trying to soothe him the best I can.

 

“Lance, what’s wrong?” I keep my voice low as I continue to rub circles into his back.

 

“I just… I miss home so much. I miss real food, and the beaches, and the rain. God, Shiro, I just want to be home so bad.” Lance pulls away, looking at me with teary blue eyes. Eyes that remind me so much of the ocean. I frown, and cup his cheek, using my thumb to wipe some of the tears away. He gives me a sad smile as he leans into the touch. I open my mouth to say something, but the words don’t come out, this is all too much for me. He doesn’t know what’s he’s doing to my heart right now, he doesn’t know the feelings I have for him and it needs to stay that way. This is far too intimate, I pull my hand back and shift my gaze.  

 

“I know it’s hard, but at least we’re keeping them safe while we’re out here. I really wish I could take you back, I… we should probably try to get some rest.” Lance shakes his head and pulls me in for another hug.

 

“I don’t want to sleep alone.” Lance mumbles. “Will you sleep with me or at least stay with me until I fall asleep?” He looks at me once again with hopeful eyes. There’s no way I could say no to that face.

 

“Fine, but no funny business, Lance.”

 

“Shiro, what kind of person do you think I am? I just want to sleep.” He tells me as he gets up from my lap, he fixes his blanket before walking towards the door. I smile softly and get up, following close behind him. I catch up to him, placing my hand on the small of his back without really thinking. The thought of overstepping crosses my mind and I almost move my hand, but he leans against me as a way to sort of let me know it’s okay.

 

Lance opens his door and immediately pulls me onto to his bed and wraps us both up in his blanket. He rests his head on my chest and lets out a content sigh.

 

“Thank you, Shiro.” Lance says softly then yawns. I smile, gently running my fingers through his soft brown hair, it’s even softer than I thought it’d be.

 

“Don’t sweat it just try to get some rest.” I tell him while rubbing his back. He nods against my chest and yawns once more.

 

Soft snores soon fill the room as I try to fall asleep myself. My eyes start to droop as I slowly fall asleep, but I still can’t help but think about the encounter I had with Zarkon… I hope it never happens again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art from this chapter is by pitchgold on tumblr!


	3. Chapter 3

Waking up in a tangle of limbs with Lance is way better than waking up alone in my own bed and there’s no denying it. It felt so nice to have someone next to me through the night… it made me feel kind of safe. I groan and rub my eyes, the artificial lighting is just a bit too harsh for me. I glance over at Lance to see him staring at me with those pretty blues. 

 

He smiles softly, “Hey, how’d you sleep?” His voice sounds a bit hoarse, but in way it’s kind of cute.

 

“Far better than I did when I first tried to go to sleep.” 

 

“I never asked, why couldn’t you sleep?” Lance asks softly. I tense up a little bit, still not wanting to talk about the matter. 

 

"Ah, I um just couldn't really fall asleep and when I did I had a nightmare so it wasn't easy to try to go back to sleep. I’m surprised I was even able to go back to sleep.”  He nods, resting his head on my chest once again. 

 

“I’m glad you were able to go back to sleep, but now that you’re here I don’t want to get up because you’re so warm.” 

 

“As much as I’d like to, we can’t stay in bed all day.” Lance groans, pulling his blanket up over himself. “Lance.” I sigh, running my hand up his back, this is far too intimate for the type of relationship we have, but I can’t bring myself to pull away from him. 

 

“I don’t hear any alarms going off. I think we’re safe for at least couple more minutes.” I open my mouth to say something, but I honestly can’t find a good enough argument to get out of this bed with Lance. It’s warm and comforting, why would I want to get up when I could bask in the warmth for just a little bit longer. “See you don’t even have a good argument.” Lance slides his fingers over my ribs and I can’t get over the sensation of it. I bite my lip while staring up at the ceiling, trying to come up with something that could possibly get me out of this situation. 

 

“The rest of the team is probably wondering where we are, we should really get up.” Lance grunts and finally gets up from his bed. 

 

“Fine, fine, you clearly don’t want my company anymore so I’ll stop bothering you.” 

 

“That is not true, I just don’t want to worry the rest of the team.” I stand up and head towards the door. “I’ll see you in a few for breakfast.” I say as I open the door. Lance doesn’t bother saying anything he just nods his head. I offer a weak smile and walk out of his room. I quickly walk to my room and change as fast as I can. I can’t miss another meal, it’ll have them all worrying more than they already are. 

 

I adjust my clothing one last time before walking out of my room. Let’s hope this goes well. I walk down into the dining hall with a soft smile, spending time with Lance put me in a better mood than I had expected it to. Actually, I didn’t even know I would be spending time with him so I guess any emotion wouldn’t really be expected. I shake my head as an attempt to clear my mind, but it doesn’t really help; thoughts of Lance’s soft touches still linger. I chew on my bottom lip and take a seat next to Hunk. Hunk tenses a little, but stays focused on whatever Pidge is saying to him. The small grin I had before entering the room has now completely faded and since turned into a frown. 

 

My eyebrows furrow together as I stick my spoon into the food goo, sliding it across the plate. God, I miss Earth food. Hunk’s food would be better than this goo too, but it seems like real food is saved for special occasions. The rest of the time we just have to deal with this goo. I shove a spoonful into my mouth, at least they try to make it taste better, but if I’m being completely honest it doesn’t really help at all. 

 

“Shiro, may I talk to you before you go on with your day?” Allura asks as I take the last bite of my food goo. I nod in lieu of a reply and place my spoon back on the plate. I stand up, abandoning my empty plate as I follow her out of the dining hall and to the bridge. 

 

“What did you want to talk about, Princess?” She looks at me and sighs, her smile dropping. Oh no, this can’t be good. I press my lips into a flat line as I wait for her to speak up. 

 

“I, and the rest of the team think it would best if you step back from leading Voltron and take a break.” My heart sinks. No, this can’t be happening. “We haven’t had any encounters with Zarkon so now is a better time than any for you to take a break.” 

 

“Princess we can’t just stop training. We’re fighting a war, there’s no time for breaks.” 

 

“Shiro, we’re worried about you. You need to take some time for yourself. You’re going to end up hurting yourself or someone else. You need to know when to stop.” She looks at me, her face hard and serious. Why is the team so convinced that I would hurt someone? I’d rather die myself than watch one of them get hurt. 

 

“I’m fine, Princess. I know how to handle myself.” 

 

“I am not allowing you to train and strain yourself more than you already have, Shiro. The rest of the team will train without you. If a problem arises we will make due, for now I forbid you from training. Now please, go get some rest.” Allura orders, her face still serious before she turns and walks away from me. I clench my fisits, holding back my emotions from spilling out. This cannot be happening. I am their leader and they all turn around and stab me in the back like this? What did I do to them? Where did I go wrong?  

 

I sulk back to my room. I can’t believe this is happening, the entire team is basically turning their backs on me. It hurts more knowing Lance is behind this too. I thought we bonded more, I thought he trusted me. I guess I was all wrong about it. 

 

“Shiro!” Lance calls to me just before I reach my room. I ignore him and open my door. 

“Shiro, wait.” Lance catches up to me, placing his hand on my shoulder. I clench my jaw, and step into my room, Lance following behind me. 

 

“Dude, what’s wrong?” 

 

I snap. “Oh, didn’t you hear!? Allura doesn’t think I’m fit to be a leader anymore. Actually, the entire team thinks I’m being a shitty leader so I’m sure you’ve heard.”  

 

“Sh-”

 

“I don’t want to hear it, Lance. I heard you talking with the rest the of the team the last night… why do you all think I’m so dangerous? I’m not going to hurt anyone.” Why does everyone think I’m some kind of monster? 

 

“If you were really listening you’d know that I defended you. Since you’re acting this way maybe I shouldn’t have.” Lance jabs back, his face growing redder by the second. I exhale sharply and sit down on my bed. “I didn’t think she was actually going to do this, but I see where she’s coming from. Everyone’s worried about you, Shiro. I’m worried about you.” He places his hand on my shoulder and sits down next to me. “I just want you to know you aren’t alone in this, I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you.” 

 

“Honestly, you’re one of the last people I would expect to hear that from. Don’t take it the wrong way, but I always thought Keith would be the one to stand by my side. I really do appreciate you being here for me, it means a lot.” I ramble a little, I feel like it doesn’t really make any sense, but I hope Lance understands. 

 

“Keith isn’t so great with words. We’re a team, we have each other’s backs.” Lance smiles softly. 

 

“Maybe you should tell that to the rest of the team.” Lance’s smiles drops as he looks down at his hands. 

 

“They’re just worried, Shrio. They’ll come around.” 

 

“It just hurts… it seems like no one trusts me anymore.” Lance locks eyes with me, a sad smile lining his lips. 

 

“I trust you, I’m sure it doesn’t mean much to you, but I trust you.” He has no idea how much that really does mean to me. 

 

“Thank you, Lance. That… that actually does mean a lot.” Lance stands up and pats my shoulder gently. 

 

“You’re welcome, don’t stress over things so much, it’ll all be okay. I’ll get out of your hair now, I’m sure you don’t want me bothering you anymore.” He says as he walks towards the door. 

 

“You’re not bothering me, but I would like to be left alone for awhile. I have a lot to think about.” 

 

“Of course, I’ll see you later.” Lance smiles brightly, but it seems fake and forced, I brush it off and nod at him as he walks out, the door closes behind him and I no longer hold in my emotions. I let the tears stream down my face with an exasperated sigh and lean back on my bed. It feels like my life is falling apart all over again. I’m a terrible leader and losing my team… this is just like Kerberos all over again... Why can’t this all end? Why can’t I go home and be happy again? I probably wouldn’t even be able to be happy back on Earth, they’d just try to test on me again. Maybe I’m just not meant to be happy. 


	4. Chapter 4

“Pathetic, even your own team is against you.” Zarkon’s voice rumbles through my ears, not this again. I open my eyes to find us once again in the room that isn’t quite mine. 

 

“What do you want from me?” I spit, clenching as I stand my ground. 

 

“You know exactly what I want. I want my black lion back.” 

 

“The lion is not yours anymore. I’ll never let you get your hands on it.” 

 

“You can join me, Shiro. We can rule the universe together as long as you give me my lion. If you don’t hand it over you’re going to make things worse for yourself. Give up already, give me the lion.” 

 

“I will never stop fighting for what I believe in. I’m not going to stand by while you hurt innocent people, they don’t deserve this. No one deserves thing.” 

 

“You’re making a grave mistake. I will not stop until you give me back my lion.” 

 

“I won’t stop fighting, not until the universe is rid from your evil terror.” 

 

“You are no champion, you’re just a pathetic human. You can’t keep your team together, I will find you. You’re a coward!”  Zarkon snarls as he comes closer to me. I squeeze my eyes shut.

 

Wake up Shiro, wake up, wake up. I open my eyes again and much to my relief I’m back in  _ my _ room. I sigh deeply as I sit up in my bed. Wiping the sweat from my forehead I stand up, pulling my blanket along with me. Might as well go to the observation deck, again, as if I wasn't just there the night before. What has my life turned into? 

  
  


I frown as I make my way to the deck. Much to my surprise Lance is already there and staring out the window. 

 

“Lance, what are you doing?” I ask.

 

Lance screams as he turns towards me. Once he realizes it’s just me he let’s out a sigh of relief.  

 

“Jesus, Shiro, you can’t just sneak up on a guy like that.” He says while clutching his chest. I smile softly while walking up to him. 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. What are you doing up so late though?” 

 

“Same as last night, can’t sleep. I got kind of cold too, I guess sleeping with another person is a lot better than sleeping alone.”

 

I stifle a laugh as I rub the back of my neck. A light blush spreads across my cheeks, heating my entire face up. 

 

“I guess it was pretty nice. The close contact kind of reminds me that I’m here. I guess it helps ground me a little. However, it is kind of inappropriate.” I ramble too much. 

 

“Loosen up a little, Shiro. We’re in space and nothing makes sense anymore. I mean, we’re flying giant robot lions that for some reason form an even bigger robot.” 

 

“I guess you’re right. Life as we knew it no longer exists.” I say. Lance nods, looking out at the stars once more. “It’s kind of crazy how much the universe still fascinates me after everything that has happened to me. I think it’s mostly because I know there is still good out there. Not everyone out there is evil and there’s beautiful planets to explore.” 

 

“You’re my hero, Shiro.” I look at Lance, slightly taken aback. Me? A hero, that doesn’t sound right. 

 

“I’m not a hero.” There’s no way I could ever be a hero, I’m pathetic. 

 

“You are to me. You’re so brave and you still love exploring space even though you were literally captured by aliens and you still look out there like it’s the best thing ever.” 

 

“They can break me down, but they can’t take the fascination away. Since I was young I wanted to be an astronaut. I always wanted to go out and explore space. The opportunity to go to Kerberos was so special to me. Even if though I got captured it was still an amazing experience to be one of the first humans to go out that far. I guess there was also some good in being captured too since I get to be here and defend the universe. Space is just something I truly admire.” Oh god, I’m rambling again. Lance smiles softly, his blue eyes sparkling. Why does he have to be so gorgeous? 

 

“You see, that’s why you’re my hero.” God, why does he have to be like this? He’s so compassionate and warm… and soft. Man his skin is so soft, it must be all those moisturizers he uses. Can’t forget how great he always smells too, kind of like the ocean. It’s fitting, he definitely is the type of person that would smell like the ocean. “Shiro?” Oh shit. 

 

“Oh, uh, sorry. I was just thinking.” I smile weakly while rubbing the back of my neck. 

 

“That’s fine, but we should probably try to get some rest. There’s only a couple of hours left until everyone else gets up.” 

“I don’t know, I probably won’t be able to fall asleep.”  Lance frowns and grabs my hand, pulling me towards the door.

 

“You have to at least try, Shiro.” 

 

I sigh as Lance pulls me down the hallway. He passes his own door and stops at mine. 

 

“Please, can you try?” Lance asks while cupping my cheek, his thumb gently sliding over it. 

 

“I’ll try, but you have to try too.” Lance smiles softly and pulls away from. He takes the few short steps over to his door and opens it. 

 

“Of course, goodnight Shiro.”

 

“Goodnight, Lance.” I turn and open my own door. I step inside, sighing as it closes behind me. I curl up in my own bed. Sleep comes a lot quicker than I thought it would. 


	5. Chapter 5

“Jesus, Shiro, wake up already!” Lance shouts, startling me. I groan as I sit up in my bed. I blink a few times as I look at Lance, what is he doing? Didn’t we just go to bed? Why isn’t he in his pajamas anymore? 

 

“Lance, what are you doing?” I ask, my voice sounding slightly hoarse and groggy. 

 

“Get up lazy ass, you slept like all day.” Lance spits, looking down at me.

 

“What? Didn’t we just go to bed?” I rub my eyes, still confused by this entire situation. 

 

“That was hours ago. You slept through everything, you’re so pathetic.” That seems uncalled for. “Are you going to get up or are you just going to sit there all day?” He asks while placing his hands on his hips. 

 

“Yeah… I guess.” 

 

“You know, everyone was right about you. You’re pathetic, you couldn’t even go to Kerberos without fucking it up.” 

 

I frown, looking down at my feet. That… hurts.

 

“Lan-” 

 

“Seriously, you couldn’t even protect your team like you were supposed to.  _ You  _ had to go and get everyone captured. You deserved everything you got with that, you deserved to be in that cell, you deserve those scars.” I reach my hand up, running my fingers over the slightly inflamed skin on my nose. I blink quickly, trying to stop the tears that are already coming. Lance scoffs while shaking his head. “You couldn’t even protect me.  _ I  _ had to save you. You’re a terrible leader and an even worse friend.” 

 

“This is uncalled for.” I choke out, my voice sounding weaker than normal, I really am pathetic...  

 

“I think it’s completely called for. Why would the black lion even chose you? You’re weak minded and unworthy. You’re the reason why the team is falling apart. You’re the reason why everything is going wrong. You’re the reason why we can’t form Voltron right now. We’d be better off without you.” He rolls his eyes, shaking his head once again. 

 

He’s right, this is my fault. I am pathetic. The black lion shouldn’t have chosen me, I don’t know why it ever would. I should just give it up anyway, they can find another black paladin. Keith could probably pilot the black lion better than I could. I get up from my bed, unable to control the tears that now flow freely down my face.  _ Leaders don’t cry. _

 

I ignore Lance’s snarky comments as I walk out of my room. The door closes behind me, leaving Lance alone in my room probably isn’t the best idea, but I’m too overwhelmed to even do anything about it. Maybe I should just give the black lion black to Zarkon. I could never pilot it like he did anyway. 

 

I walk down the hall, but stop in front of Lance’s door. Where did I go wrong? I thought we were getting somewhere. He called me his hero for fuck's sake! Was it all a ploy to make me feel better about myself just to bring me down and crush me in the end. Did he find out I have feelings for him? Do they not sit well with him so he decided to just throw everything in my face and bring my insecurities to life? 

 

I let out a broken sob as I slide down the wall opposite of Lance’s door. Why did this all have to happen to me? Why did Kerberos have to go so wrong? Why did  _ I _ have to get sucked into some intergalactic war? Why did  _ I _ have to catch feelings just to have them thrown right back into my face? Why couldn’t I just have a normal life? A normal life back on earth with my friends and family. I miss being normal. I miss living life the way I used to. Now everything is flipped upside down and so forgiven. Another sob wracks through my body as I tug on the white patch of my hair. What did I do to deserve all of this? I feel so weak, so pathetic. I’m no champion, I’m just a coward. 

 

The sound of Lance’s door opening causes me to jump slightly but brings me back to reality nonetheless. He looks down at me with unmistakable concern. 

 

“Shiro, what are you doing out here? I thought you were going to bed, oh no, did you have a nightmare?” He asks while leaning down to look at me. Why did he change back into his pajamas and put a face mask on? When did he even get back into his room without me noticing? Am I really that unobservant? “Hey, talk to me, what’s going on?” Lance asks, his voice soft as he reaches out to touch me. 

I snap, “Don’t touch me.” Lance frowns and sits next to me. 

 

“Okay, I won’t, but will you at least tell me what’s bothering you?” 

 

“Don’t play that card with me, you know exactly what’s wrong.” 

 

“No, Shiro, I really don’t. I was putting on my mask when I heard you. It’s only been, what, 15 minutes since we parted ways? I can’t just read your mind, dude you gotta actually tell me what’s wrong.”  _ 15 minutes?  _ He just said it was hours ago. I pull on my hair once I realize what had just happened to me. 

 

“Dammit, I’m such an idiot. I’m sorry I bothered you.” I lean back, my head knocking against the wall. 

 

“Hey now, you are not an idiot. If anyone here is an idiot it’s me. You wanna tell me what’s going on though?” Lance looks up at me with those sparkling blue eyes, oh god, I am really am smitten aren’t I?

 

“It’s stupid, Lance, trust me.”

 

“Do I really have to remind you that we are in space and nothing makes sense anymore.” 

 

“I guess you’re right.” 

 

“Of course I’m right, I’m Lance.” He winks at me. I roll my eyes, but can’t help but chuckle anyway. What a dork. 

 

“Right, just… go easy on me okay?” 

 

“Whatever you need.” Lance smiles, gently resting his hand on my shoulder with a reassuring smile. Why does he have to be so… himself… so understanding and kind. It’d be much easier to push my feelings to the side if I didn’t think nearly everything he does is so perfect. More like perfectly imperfect. If he were truly perfect I don’t think I’d like him half as much as I do. 

 

“So uh, it’s really weird, but ever since I’ve been having these problems I could like hear Zarkon’s voice in my dreams. He wants my lion and I almost gave it to him tonight, but clearly, I couldn’t actually make it to the hanger without breaking down before I got there.” I let out a deep sigh as I look up at the ceiling, more tears threatening to fall. 

 

“What was the breaking point?” 

 

“You were.” Lance’s looks at me like some confused puppy, it’s quite adorable honestly. If I wasn’t so upset I’d probably appreciate it more... 

 

“Me? How was I the breaking point?” 

 

“He used you against me. Obviously, it wasn’t the real you, but he knew I was weak, he knew I wouldn’t think too much into. I don’t know how he did it, but he did and… it really hurt. It hurt so much to hear those things come out of what I thought was your mouth.” I once again can’t stop the tears that now fall down my face, I feel so  _ pathetic. _ I am  _ pathetic _ . 

 

Lance knits his eyebrows together. “Why me?” Lance rubs soothing circles into my back as broken sobs escape my lungs. “Take your time, Shiro. I’ll still be here.” 

 

“I-I guess he knows I trust you. He wanted to break me any way he could... so he used you against me.” I pause, taking a deep breath. “He wants me to give up the black lion and trying to put my weaknesses against me. He knows I’m weak and he’s using it against me.” 

 

“What did he say?” 

 

“Everything he could think of to hurt me. He brought my insecurities to life he said everything I never wanted to hear come out of your mouth. Things I feared you thought about me, but didn’t ever want you to say.”

 

“Shi-” 

 

I cut Lance off, “He called me pathetic… he told me I deserve everything I got. I deserve the ugly scars, I deserved to be locked away to rot, I deserved it all. I really am pathetic, aren’t I? I can’t even lead a team without fucking it all up.”

 

“Shiro, no! You didn’t deserve to be treated like that. You’re like the strongest person I know. No one I’ve ever met could put up with the things you do and still manage to pull on a smile. Shiro, you’re so strong… and your scars? They’re part of who you are and you are beautiful.” 

 

“Lance, I’m not-” 

 

“Yes, you are, do  _ not _ argue with me, Shiro. You’re beautiful and you deserve to hear it.” 

 

“What did I do to deserve you?” 

 

“Don’t worry about that, let’s focus on getting you better and getting you into bed. It’s been a rough night for you.” 

 

“I really don’t deserve you.” 

 

“I think I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you, but either way I’m not going anywhere. You’re staying with me tonight, I want to be there if anything else happens.” 

 

“Thank you.” I breathe out as Lance gets up, he smiles softly holding his hand out for me to take. I take it, letting him assist me with standing up. 

 

“Don’t worry about it.”  Once I stand up I pull Lance into a tight hug, holding him close. 

 

“Really, Lance,  _ thank you _ .” Lance runs his hand up and down my back. 

 

“This really means a lot to you, doesn’t it? Seriously, don’t worry about it, you’re one of my closest friends, Shiro, I don’t do anything for you.” 

 

“I love you.” I whisper into Lance’s hair. Oh no, why did I say that? What am I doing? 

 

“I love you too, Shiro.” 

 

“No, Lance, I  _ love _ you. Like… I’m in love you with you.” Shiro, stop saying words!  

 

“Shiro…” Alright, time to bail. 

 

“I uh, I gotta um, time for bed!” I exclaim while pushing Lance away, quickly heading to my room. 

 

“You better get your butt right back over here Takashi!” I cringe slightly at the mention of my first name, it almost makes me feel like I’m in some sort trouble and clearly right now I am. I slowly turn back around to see Lance staring at me with his arms folded over his chest. “You didn’t even give me time to react.” 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even mean to say it, but there was no stopping once I did. I’m really sorry if it makes you uncomfortable and I understand if you don’t want anything from it. It’s super unprofessional and probably super weird for you.” Lance moves closer to me as I ramble on. 

 

“So you love me, huh?” 

 

“I mean… yeah.” 

 

“That’s great because I love you too.” Lance says with a soft smile and my breath gets caught in my throat. Is he serious?     
  
“Wait, really?” 

 

“It would have been pretty hard to not fall in love with my hero, especially since he’s better in person.” He rests his hand on my shoulder “So you gonna kiss me or what?” 

 

“You don’t think this is inappropriate or anything?” 

 

“Not at all.” Lance grins, his arms wrapping around my neck. 

 

“Back at the garrison this would be highly inappropriate.” 

 

“Just shut up and kiss me. We’re in space so fuck the rules.”   

 

“Lance…”

 

“Takashi Shirogane, I swear if you don’t kiss me right now I’m going to shove you in a cryo-pod.” 

 

“We’re not even near the pods, I’m calling your bluff.” 

 

“Shiro, don’t test me.” Lance looks completely unimpressed, I guess I have to give him what he wants. 

 

“Are you sure this is what you want?” 

 

“100 percent positive.” I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat as I lean closer to Lance. Our lips connect in a short, yet sweet kiss and I’ve never felt so light and airy in my life. We part, a light blush coating my cheeks, I’m sure Lance is blushing too, but it’s hard to tell with his face mask covering the area. He smirks as he wipes at my cheek. “You got some of my mask on your face.” 

 

“We should really get to bed.” 

 

“One more.” Lance pulls me close once again for another quick kiss. He pulls back, sporting that classic smirk as he pulls me into his room. “Now get some rest, you look exhausted.” 

 

“You aren’t wrong.” I tell him as I willingly lie down in his bed. He smiles softly, positioning himself next to me. 

 

“Just try to get some rest, I’ll be here if you need me.” I close my eyes, smiling softly. I have to admit, tonight went a lot better than I had expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art from this chapter is by @oaktheoaktree on twitter!


	6. Chapter 6

I smile softly as I run my fingers through Lance’s soft brown hair. It practically feels like silk against my fingers, how does he even get it that soft? I push his hair back, pressing a soft kiss against his forehead, quickly realizing how much of mistake it was when some of his mask rubs off onto my lips. I frown, rubbing my lips with sleeve.

“You know, you aren’t supposed to eat face masks.” Lance chuckles while looking up at me. 

“I forgot about it!” I hold my hands up defensively. 

“It’s green, did you just think my skin magically turned green?” Lance questions he crawls over me and out of the bed. 

“You could have asked me to move.” Lance shrugs while picking up his towel. 

“It’s not as fun that way. I’m going to wash this off, don’t like I don’t know… I’m more likely to mess something up than you. You know what, don’t eat my face mask! Yeah, don’t do that!” Lance rambles on. I smile fondly, shaking my head at his nonsense.

“Just go wash your face. I’m not going to eat your face mask.” 

“Okay, dad.” Lance says while walking towards the door. 

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Not a dad, just a leader.” 

“And a damn good one at that.” He winks and does the little finger guns thing and suddenly I want to just go back to sleep. 

“Lance.” I try to make my voice sound stern.

“Okay, okay. I’m going.” He walks out of his room while shaking his head. Why did I have to fall for the dorkiest one? Probably because he’s also kind, compassionate, and caring too. 

I sigh and look up at the ceiling, a ceiling I definitely wouldn’t mind getting used to this. I’m so grateful for Lance. He’s really the only person that was consistently there for me. I know Keith wanted to try, but I guess he didn’t really know how to relate to me the same way Lance did. Lance being so damn helpful really didn’t help with the feelings for him I so desperately wanted to push away, but I guess it's a lot better that I didn’t push them away entirely. Or maybe this is just going to complicate things? What if he doesn’t want to put a label on anything? Maybe he doesn’t even want anything with me. Maybe all of the affection he has shown me was out of pity. Then again he did tell me he loves me, but maybe he was just saying that to make me feel better about myself. Lance wouldn’t do that would he? I hope he wouldn’t do that. 

“What are you thinking about?” Lance asks, slightly startling me as he sits on my lap. 

“You.” I rest my hands on his thighs. 

“Me? What about me?”

“I um... Do you really love me, Lance?” 

“Yes.” He says without missing a beat. He leans down, caressing my cheek as he steals a kiss. 

“I love you and I’m not going to stop anytime soon.” 

“Anytime soon?” 

“Anytime. I won’t stop and nothing will make me stop.” He smiles into my cheek as he wraps his arms around me. “So why do you ask, what’s bothering you?” 

“I’m just… I guess it’s hard to wrap my head around all of this. I’m not used to relationships. Is this a relationship? Are we in a relationship?” 

“If you want to be in a relationship then yes, we are in a relationship.” 

“I’d like that, but can we take things slow? I’m just not used to all of this and I need some time adjust. I still need to work on fixing myself.” 

“We can go as slow as you need. Just remember you aren’t in this alone, Shiro. I have your back and so does the rest of the team.” 

“Do they really though? I can’t help but think back to you all talking about me in the hallway… they didn’t sound very supportive then.” 

“Shiro, they all love you and they’re all going to be here for you. You know Hunk overreacts when he gets scared. He didn’t even really want to pilot a lion when we first started. He’s just scared, you’re a big strong guy. If I didn’t know you well enough I’d probably be a little scared too. You could probably snap me in half, but I know you value your team and the people you love. I guess what I’m trying to say is you have to show them you aren’t as scary as you look.” Lance rambles on. I guess he’s kind of right? What he saying is a little hard to understand, but I think I get the general point of it. 

“Should I try to be more open and approachable? I feel like I already have a pretty solid relationships with both Pidge and Keith. I can see why Hunk might feel intimidated, I haven’t really made much of a point to be friends. I’ve kept on the hardened leader look on around him.” 

“I feel you’d be doing the same thing to me if I didn’t push myself on you.” 

“You do know my attraction to you goes back further than you pestering me right?” 

“So you would have actually opened up to me?” 

“Well…” I trail off, looking away from him. 

“Exactly. It doesn’t bother me though, I know you’re not much of a feelings type of person. Just promise me you’ll at least try?” Lance takes my chin in his hand, basically making me look at him. 

“I’ll try. Friendship should help strengthen our team and Hunk seems like a great guy. I don’t think we’ll have any problems between us.” 

“It’ll help with trust and communication.” 

“You know, you aren’t as dumb as people say you are.” 

“‘Aren’t as dumb’ so you’re still saying I’m dumb?” I chuckle at Lance’s feigned hurt expression. 

“Only a little.” 

“That’s rude!” 

“Eh, only a little.” He rolls his eyes and gets up from my lap.

“I’m going to breakfast.” I smile and grab Lance’s hand, pulling him in for a hug. 

“I love you, Lance.” I press my lips against his and he immediately melts into it. 

“I love you too, asshole.” He says against my lips. I deserve this, I deserve these little moments that make me smile and make me just a touch happier.


	7. Chapter 7

My life may not be a typical normal one, but at least I know I’m not as alone as I first thought I was. I have Lance, and the rest of the team. They’re all here for me and making sure I feel more at home, more comfortable, more loved, more at peace with the situation. Lance he’s… he’s so great. I sigh while pulling him closer to my body. 

“You doing okay, big guy?” I nod, resting my head on his shoulder. 

“I love you.” I say while tightening my grip around his waist. 

“I love you too, but are sure you want to hold me like this out here? I thought you didn’t want to tell anyone yet.” 

“I don’t care if they see, I want to hold you so I’m going to hold you. We’ve kept it hidden for long enough.” I say and kiss along his cheek and jaw. Lance faces me, his smile fits him so beautifully and it makes my heart skip a beat knowing that I’m the reason behind it. 

“I love you so much, Takashi.” 

“I love you too, Lance.” I rest my head back on his shoulder, sighing into his neck. “Thank you.” 

“For what?” 

“Everything.”

Lance huffs, “You’re going to have to be a little more specific.” 

“For being here for me… for not giving up on me.” 

“I’m not going anywhere, you’re stuck with me.” Lance says while rubbing my back. 

“That doesn’t sound too bad.” I say while pulling Lance onto my lap. “I like being stuck with you.” 

“You’re a cheeseball.” 

“You love me though.” 

“You got me there.” 

“What’s going on in here?” Hunk asks, Lance jumps slightly and tries to pull back, but I keep him close to my chest. 

“Cuddling my boyfriend.” I say.

“Boyfriend? Lance… I thought I was your best friend.” Lance sighs and looks up at Hunk. 

“You are, Hunk. Shiro didn’t want to tell anyone and that included you.” 

“It sure seems like Shiro’s fine with advertising it now.” Hunk says while crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Hunk, don’t blame Lance for this. I was the one who wanted to take things slow and I was the one that wanted to keep things quiet.” 

“What about now?” Hunk asks.

 

“I’m tired of hiding it. If it makes you feel any better you’re now the first to know.” I say. 

“We had our speculations… congratulations, I’m glad you’re happy, Lance.” 

“Are you glad Shiro’s happy too? He’s come a long way.” Lance asks while running his hand up my arm to give my shoulder a gentle squeeze. Hunk smiles weakly and nods. 

“Of course. You’ve seemed better rested and more focused lately. It's good to see you taking care of yourself, Shiro. I-I’m really sorry for the things I said about you. I know you wouldn’t intentionally hurt any of us. I being ridiculous and I’m really am sorry. ” Hunk explains. I smile softly and nod.

“It’s fine, Hunk, you had every right to be scared. I was being reckless, I get it.” 

“Everyone’s glad to see you’re doing better, Shiro.” 

“I am too, Hunk, I am too.” I say, Hunk smiles softly. 

“I’ll leave you lovebirds be now.” Hunk chuckles as he moves to exit the room. 

“Thanks, Hunk!” Lance yells at Hunk as he leaves. Lance turns back to me with a near shit-eating grin. “I know we’ve already said it like three times, but I love you.” I laugh while pulling him even closer. Our lips gently brush against each other before we share the softest of kisses. 

“I love you too.” I say against Lance’s lips. He grins while pushing me back on the couch and practically lying on top on me, not that I mind of course. I let out a content sigh as I rub gentle circles into Lance’s back. 

It feels good. It feels good to be out in the open with our relationship and with my feelings. This may not be normal for most people, but it's normal enough to help me feel at peace. The thought of fading away into the background doesn’t sound so appealing anymore. I still miss home, but at least I know while I’m here I’m helping protect it. I’m a defender of the universe, front and center, and I like it that way.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to PitchGold, and 13Bella on tumblr and @oaktheoaktree on twitter for the lovely art!


End file.
